


The Fear Screaming in Your Mind

by The_Mouse_of_Anon



Series: Bluepulse Week (in the OT3) [3]
Category: DC Animated Universe, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Day 3: Nightmare, Multi, So much angst, blood mention, bluepulse week 2016, brutal-as-hell nightmares, death mention, loads of nightmares involving being on mode, violence mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 17:34:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8294216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Mouse_of_Anon/pseuds/The_Mouse_of_Anon
Summary: Jaime’s grandmother had once told Khaji Da that sometimes nightmares were important to pay attention to, because occasionally it was the mind’s way of trying to point out when something was a problem or needed attention.
So he kept track of Bart and Jaime's nightmares, and his own.
((Written for Day 3 of Bluepluse Week 2016.))





	

Jaime’s grandmother had once told Khaji Da that sometimes nightmares were important to pay attention to, because occasionally it was the mind’s way of trying to point out when something was a problem or needed attention. She had also explained that sometimes dreams or nightmares could offer solutions that might not otherwise be thought of. It had been a confusing concept for him at the time, but she had easily endured the confused questions from the scarab sharing her grandson’s body. Elena Leal was a wise woman who could often pick out subtleties and truths others missed; when she gave advice it was usually wise to listen. Khaji Da trusted her because Jaime trusted her, when she had first found out about the scarab being a person she hadn’t even hesitated to respect him as one, and because every bit of advice she had ever given him had proven useful.

So he kept track.

Nightmares were nothing new to Khaji Da, at least objectively. Jaime had nightmares, Bart had nightmares, and Khaji Da… for Khaji Da there was only ever one. At times Bart and Jaime’s nightmares made little sense, and at other times they made altogether too _much_ sense. Sometimes the contents of those nightmares left even Khaji Da unsettled, regardless of the fact that those nightmares were not his own. Khaji Da didn’t like thinking of the full specifics of the nightmares any of the three of them had, but he kept them logged— even the brief descriptions or snatches of phrases that sometimes tumbled from Bart’s lips as he tried to explain why he’d woken up nearly hyperventilating.

Bart’s nightmares ranged over a variety of things, but normally it had to do with his past and original timeline. Often they were memories; instances of choking air, thick with particulate matter, ash and dust coating everything while trying to keep his head down and never attract attention, always darting and hiding while hoping to never come across the dead. Sometimes they were nightmares of what could have been, but had never happened; being hunted relentlessly by that timeline’s Blue Beetle, feeling claws against his throat, not having access to his speed due to an inhibitor collar and being forced to watch as those he cared about were killed in front of him, being gone from ‘home’ too long only to return to find it destroyed and everyone dead, or being caught as he was about to leave in the time machine and watching as their only hope was destroyed. And then there were nightmares of things that hadn’t happened, _couldn’t_ happen, but were often so terrifying Bart would snap awake while just barely holding back from screaming.

Perhaps Bart’s worst nightmares weren’t about his past or his original timeline, but this one. There were nightmares where his past bled into this timeline, where the Blue Beetle of his past had somehow turned up in this timeline and killed Jaime and Khaji Da; the method varied but it was always vicious and Bart was always forced to watch. Or nightmares where the Reach returned, somehow able to successfully hack into Khaji Da and set off a computer virus that slowly destroyed Khaji Da and Jaime’s sense of self in a way that the two of them could feel it and were screaming and pleading with Bart to help them only for the speedster to be completely helpless to stop it. The absolute worst that Bart had ever described was a nightmare where Jaime and Khaji Da had been taken over by _something_ and the only way to free them had been for Bart to kill them, only to have it end with the two of them freed as they were dying in his arms with the clear sense they’d felt betrayed. After that one Bart hadn’t been able to fall back to sleep and had clung to them as he trembled, nearly sobbing in relief that they were alive.

Then there was Jaime. Jaime’s nightmares ranged from the somewhat nonsensical (none of the three of them would take a nightmare seriously when it involved being chased through the house by a maniac with an ax) to the genuinely disturbing. And Jaime’s genuinely disturbing nightmares tended to hit a little close to home for Khaji Da. Usually those were the nightmares that focused on memories of when they’d been on-mode; how Jaime had felt trapped within his own mind, screaming and struggling and wanting to claw his way free, all while not knowing that Khaji Da was right there with him and had felt just as trapped, looking out and worrying about what the Reach Ambassador would have them do. Some of those nightmares played out the threats that the Ambassador gave; forcing them to kill Jaime’s parents and sister, track down and kill Bart, or go down the list of anyone who Jaime and Khaji Da had known could have caused problems by knowing they weren’t acting right and take them out one by one. Then there were the ones where Jaime knew Khaji Da was there, was his partner and loved him. Those ones were worse.

Nightmares of being on-mode were terrifying enough, but when they were coupled with the knowledge that the two of them were trapped together with no way out it often made sleep hard to come by. In some Bart had never made it to the past, there had been no forewarning about the Reach, no one had known that they went on-mode, and they had been forced to watch the progression of years as everything Bart had ever described to them came true. The worst part of those nightmares— that Jaime had admitted to— was eventually seeing Bart and recognizing him; locked within the confines of his mind and desperately wanting, needing, pleading for Bart to be left alone and to not attract the attention of the Reach, worrying that even though neither he nor Khaji Da could really do anything that _would_ attract attention that somehow the Ambassador would find out they cared about Bart and use him against them. Then there were those where Bart _had_ made it to the past, but the others hadn’t been able to get Jaime and Khaji Da off-mode; the one where they had slit Bart’s throat almost made Jaime physically ill as soon as he’d snapped awake. By far the worst one for Jaime had to be the one where, after having come dangerously close to killing everyone he cared about, Bart succeeded in getting Jaime off-mode only after they had impaled Bart on a blade shaped from Jaime’s arm. If Bart dying in that nightmare hadn’t been bad enough, it was always followed by the sudden realization that there was a silence in Jaime’s mind where there shouldn’t be, that the silence was due to whatever Bart had done to free them— and nothing he did could bring Khaji Da back. Jaime was left alone, one of his partners dying on his arm and the other silent and dead in his spine. 

Small wonder why Jaime would wake up screaming.

And then there was Khaji Da. For the longest time he hadn’t thought he _could_ have nightmares. He’d had plenty of dreams, but nightmares had been a completely foreign concept. Maybe it was because of the fact that he cared more about Jaime and Bart now than he had in the beginning, or maybe it was because of the fact that he’d been keeping a log of Jaime and Bart’s nightmares, or perhaps it was even the fact that all three of them had been through a lot of emotionally stressful events. Whatever it was, the end result was inarguable: Khaji Da had one recurring nightmare, always consistent without any variation, and both Jaime and Bart agreed that Khaji Da’s nightmare was the worst the three of them had. The first time Khaji Da had had that nightmare he put a hole through the wall. (Explaining away the perfectly circular burn-hole in order to get it repaired took some doing.)

Like many of Jaime and Bart’s nightmares, Khaji Da’s nightmare involved being on-mode. There was the crawling, frantically scrabbling sense of being trapped— locked within his mind so thoroughly he couldn’t let Jaime know that he was _there_. It was a nightmare full of days and nights of feeling Jaime’s worry, Jaime’s panic, Jaime’s fear and desire to scream, and listening to Jaime’s repressed sobbing in his mind. It was a nightmare full of the desperation of trying to avoid the worst while never giving away that he had any sort of independence from the Ambassador’s orders. It always started out small. Attacks against the team when they started interfering were to be expected— they were upsetting, but they were far from the most disturbing detail of the nightmare. No, it was far more disturbing when Jaime’s family began to clue in. It started with Jaime’s grandmother; they would be visiting her because they hadn’t been able to get out of it, she would notice their behavior was off— stilted— and would confront them. They would try to get out, to avoid the worst-case scenario, but Elena would persist… which inevitably led to a shock that stopped her heart. Broken sobs, screaming, Jaime desperately crying out, [ _Khaji Da! Khaji Da! Noooo! This isn’t… we can’t have… Abuela, please! Please, please,_ please _let her be alive! Abuela!_ ]

They left.

In the nightmare they left, and when Elena was found later everyone just assumed she’d had a heart attack. That was just the start. The next to go was Jaime’s father. He would start asking too many questions, start noticing too many instances where ‘Jaime’ was off, and it would end with an engineered car accident. Disconnected breaks, a snapped neck, blood pooling on the cement from the car which had ripped open as the car flipped. And no one knew.

Then there was Milagro— brilliant and capable Milagro. Somehow she picked up on the subtle things, put the details together, figured out what happened. She wanted to be a cop; maybe that was why Khaji Da’s nightmare supplied her with the awareness to put it all together. Whatever it was, she would confront them with a gun in one hand and a stolen Green Lantern ring on the other. Too much of a threat from the Ambassador’s perspective; by the time she sprawled, broken and bleeding on the ground, the house was destroyed. Jaime was screaming in his mind.

Jaime’s mother followed soon after. She arrived home soon after Milagro died, and the screams… the heart-rending screams voicing the agony that Jaime couldn’t… Remembering it felt like something crucial had been ripped from Khaji Da in a way that hurt more than he could describe. And Bianca, striking and screaming at them, knowing they were trapped, the shrieks of, “Let my baby _go!_ ” only for them to blow a hole through her with a plasma cannon… it was enough to make even Khaji Da want to scream.

And so it went, on down the line, everyone Jaime or Khaji Da cared about until they got to Bart. And of course Bart tried to stop them, because they couldn’t stop themselves. Khaji Da and Jaime wanted to stop, wanted to let him stop them, but they couldn’t— so they shot at him. Again and again; and Bart got close, _so_ close to stopping them… and then a blast from their plasma cannon hit one of Bart’s legs. One moment his right leg was there, and the next it was gone. The shock and not-yet-processed pain on Bart’s face as he plowed into the ground was too much, like Jaime’s heart had been ripped out when Khaji Da’s tendrils had been coiled around it only to be snapped and shattered like they were glass.

And Bart— wonderful, perfect, damaged Bart— looked into their eyes and said, “Jaime, Khaji Da, I know you’re going to kill me. Don’t _ever_ forget I love you.” The blade came down, making Khaji Da want to break down and never stop screaming. And then he’d wake up.

Their nightmares might have been trying to tell the three of them something, or perhaps not, but one message was consistent: the three of them needed each other. They needed each other, and being able to wake up next to each other was such a relief— a reassurance that none of them had been lost— that it couldn’t be put into words. On the nights Khaji Da had that nightmare the three of them wouldn’t go back to sleep; they’d stay awake, curled up together to greet the sun.


End file.
